Wednesday, January 4, 2012


What next?
My body is inexplicably drawn to a strange magnetic pull from deep inside the earth. Translated this means, I am constantly falling down and breaking or bruising my various body parts! Three days into this New Year, I found the ONLY patch of ice in a parking lot and I promptly slipped and fell on my butt! Again.

In October of 2010, while innocently walking with my husband Carl, down a sloped gravel driveway, I slipped and fell and fractured my left humerus, which wasn't funny at all. In a split second, my flat shoes with shiny soles slid out from under me and landed me smack on my derriere. I tried to cushion the fall but I smashed my arm into the concrete. I immediately knew it wasn't going to be just an innocent bump as I  felt my blood pressure dropping and I started to pass out. My last words before losing consciousness were, "I think I need to go to the hospital"! The pain was excruciating as I lobbed in and out of reality. Being as I only live about 2 miles from the nearest emergency room and the Detroit EMS system would have taken a week to come and get me, Carl and a neighbor loaded me into our vehicle and drove me there instead. When we arrived, I was helped into a wheel chair and and taken right into the room where they treat patients for stroke. The last thing I remember hearing were the attendants asking my husband, "do you want to go in with your mother"! Nice.

There really isn't much one can do for a fractured humerus, other than let the wounded arm just hang by your side until it heals. A little therapy helped too, but it took about year for the arm to feel like it was on the mend.

Last year, while I was looking at the sky waiting for the SUPERMOON to rise, Carl and I got tired of waiting and drove over to a seedy local Coney Island restaurant for a quick bite to eat. As I got out of the truck, I looked up one more time and promptly tripped over a GIANT YELLOW CURB! My purse went flying in one direction and my Blackberry went another. Some unsavory fellows sitting in the car next to our truck started laughing at me and I wondered when Carl was going to notice I was missing. Carl finally came around to the other side of the truck and told me, "he didn't know where I went"! I was so thankful that I hadn't re-injured my sensitive broken arm that I failed to immediately notice my horribly bloody and bruised knee and the big scrape on my left hand. That left side of my body is apparently my shield!

Spooky Supermoon!

Which brings me back to the ice patch. There was a very light drifting of snow over the parking lot and the temperatures were cold, but there didn't seem to be ANY reason for this patch of ice to appear. As I walked, my daughter yelled, "watch the ice"! Simultaneously I looked down and stepped on that stupid ice and slipped and hit my tail bone. I don't have a lot of body fat in that region and when I hit the pavement, it hurt like hell! I couldn't move. My first thought was, "quick take a picture for my blog", but I realized I only had my Blackeberry and my daughter didn't know how to use it! Luckily, there was a young guy nearby and laughing through my pain, I begged him to take some pictures! Somebody had called an ambulance (this was Oakland County so they have an actual response team), but a freakin' FIRE TRUCK arrived instead! My slip and fall was, of course, turning into a three ring circus! Sirens and lights blazing from every direction! It was crazy! I had to roll over because my butt was freezing, so thank God I wasn't paralyzed or anything! Just sprained. The EMS people lifted me up and helped me hobble to my vehicle and wanted to know if I needed to go to the hospital. They said the emergency room staff would look me over and prescribe me some pain meds. I am uninsured, so those would have turned into the most expensive pain meds ever! Luckily, I had expensive left over pain meds from when I broke my arm!

I couldn't get the kid to take any more pictures so this is it!
So today, I am still sore and experiencing a sort of whiplash on my neck. I need help getting in and out of the truck and up the steps of our back porch. I need to be so extremely careful from now on! VIGILANT. I may just never leave the house again until spring! But I'll tell you one thing, I WILL NOT WEAR A CRASH HELMET OR WHITE SNEAKERS.



Anonymous said...

I would have thought that you would have learned by now that you MUST pick up your feet and wear nonskid shoes. Oh....and pay attention! The thought of you leaving this world flat on your butt is unbearable to me! Better yet....stay in the house and AWAY from the ice!

Michele Lundgren said...

OMG! I am SO careful about my footwear! I had on boots with a really thick webbed sole! Like tires! All my other shoes are really practical, but not hideous! I try and be cognizant about where and how I walk, but alas, to no avail. I am doomed.